HOW TO TELL YOUR PARTNER YOU WANT KINK!

Some people are afraid of the mere mention of the acronym BDSM or the word Kink. Some associate BDSM with abuse while others fear that it is only something done to give or take pain. However, BDSM stands for many things and sexual and non sexual practices that intrigue, attract and even arouse people. Here is a brief explanation of BDSM, how it can positively spice up your relationship and tips on how to communicate to your partner that you would like to add some Kink inside (or out) of the bedroom.

What is BDSM?

BDSM is very wide and encompasses thousands of practices, sexual and non-sexual. Roleplaying, cosplay, bondage, age play, fetishes and sadomasochism can all fall under this umbrella. BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance and submission and sadomasochism. Informed consent and ample communication between partners or all parties involved is an essential aspect of BDSM. The tenets of BDSM are that it must be safe, sane and consensual, meaning that all activities have safety safeguards (which requires knowledge of anatomy, for instance), that all participants must have the cognitive and legal ability to consent and that all participants in fact consent. Under these premises, BDSM is different to sexual or violent crimes. Kink refers to all unusual or non-conventional sexual acts.

Kink to Spice Things Up!

Adding something out of the ordinary can bring an element of newness and excitement to the relationship, especially if boredom has taken over. In incorporating BDSM, one does not have to go overboard. The introduction of a bandana to use as a blind fold, caressing the skin with textured gloves or playing with temperature as in, for example, rolling an ice cube all over the body or just leaving it for a few seconds on a specific body part, can be arousing. Eliciting a sensual response with something out of the norm can be all the kink a relationship needs. But of course, if more wants to be added, it is up to the parties involved to decide.

How to Kink Things Up:

  1. Communication: Talk to your partner(s) openly about what is in your mind. If your partner needs more time to think about things, give them time and be available to offer support and any information that would help them understand your perspective and what you are proposing. If the partner is not into it at all, do not press the issue.
  2. Communication: Before you begin, make sure that all parties involved know what is being proposed, how, where, for how long, establish a code for when anyone wants to stop the activity and make sure to get explicit consent from everyone. For instance, refrain from bringing handcuffs to the bedroom without negotiating it with partners beforehand. Make sure that everyone knows the plan and avoid any (non-consented-to) surprises.
  3. Communication: Make sure everyone is in the game at all times. If there is any doubt that a participant or partner is not having a good time, it is better to stop altogether. Talk openly and honestly about the experience afterwards to continue to connect with one another and learn from each experience each time. Make sure to spend time bonding and after care once the experience is over.

BDSM or Kink are not words to fear. Many people are kinky without knowing it. A little restraint, a pleasantly dominant partner, even gently pulling on hair are all kinky things that many do while they are having sex. In that sense, you may already be practicing BDSM without knowing it!

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